Four Jews in a room bitching
Four Jews in a room plot a crime
I'm bitching, he's bitching
They're bitching, we're bitching
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
Funny, funny, funny, funny
Bitch, bitch
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
All the time
What do they do for love?
What do they do for love?
Four Jews in a room
Bitching, bitching, bitching, bitching
Four Jews in a room stoop (They stoop)
To pray
I'm Jewish, I'm Jewish
I'm Jewish, half Jewish
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
Funny, funny, funny, funny
Bitch, bitch
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
Night and day
Slavery, slavery
We crossed the desert
Running for our lives
Fleeing from the Pharaoh
Who was up to no good
Now we're at the Red Sea
Pharaoh is behind us
Wanting us extincted
What we need is a miracle!
And then the Red Sea
Split before us
No more tsouris
We got our miracle
Four Jews itching for answers
Four Jews bitching their whole life long
I'm Whizzer, I'm Jason
I'm Mendel, I'm Marvin
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
Funny, funny, funny, funny
Bitch, bitch
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
Right or wrong
In case of smoke, please call our mothers on the phone
And say their sons are all on fire
We are manipulating people and we need to know
Our worst sides aren't ignored
The guilt invested will in time pay wisely
We do not tippy toe
We charge ahead to show
We're good in bed
Excel in bed
We smell in bed
Where is the bed?
I love the bed
Who has the bed?
I want the bed!
Who stole the bed?
Who stole the bed?
I lost it twice
The bed is mine
The bed is nice
The bed is
Four Jews in a room bitching, whee!
Four Jews talking like Jew-ish men
I'm neurotic, he's neurotic
They're neurotic, we're neurotic
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
Funny, funny, funny, funny
I'm nauseous, I'm nauseous
I'm simple, I'm Jewish
Slavery, slavery
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
Funny, funny, funny, funny
I'm neurotic, he's neurotic
They're neurotic, we're neurotic
I'm neurotic, he's neurotic (Four Jews)
They're neurotic, we're neurotic (In a room bitching)
Four Jews in a room
Four Jews in a room
Slavery, slavery
Four Jews in a room bitching
Bitch, bitch
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
Now and then
Can't lose
Loose screws
Four
One, two, three, four
Five!
Five Jew

I'd like to be a princess on a throne
To have a country I can call my own
And a king
Who's lusty and requires a fling
With a female thing
Great!
Men will be men
Let me turn on the gas
I caught them in the den
With Marvin grabbing Whizzer's ass!
Oh sure, I'm sure, he's sure
He did his best
I mean he meant to be what he was not
The things he was are things which I forgot
He's a queen
I'm a queen!
Where is my crown?
I'm breaking down
I'm breaking down!
My life is shitty and my kid seems like an idiot to me!
I mean that's sick
I mean he's great!
It's me who is the matter
Talking madder than the maddest hatter!
If I repeat one more word, I swear I'll lose my brain!
Ohhh, what else should I explain?
Oh yes it's true!
I can cry on cue!
But so can you
I'm breaking down
I'm breaking down!
Down, down!
You ask me is it fun to cry over nothing?
It is!
I'm breaking down

Now let's consider what I might do next
I hate admitting I've become perplexed
I'm bereived
I've cried,
I've shook
I've yelled!
I've heaved
I have been decieved!
As enemies go, Whizzer is not so bad
It's just he's so damn happy
That it makes me so damn mad!
I wanna hate him, but I really can't
It's like a nightmare how this all proceeds
I hope that Whizzer don't fufill his needs!
Don't is wrong, sing along!
What was the noun
I'm breakin' down
I'm breaking down
I'll soon redecorate these stalls!
I'd like some patting in the walls
And also pills
I wanna sleep!
Sure, things will probably worsen
But it's not like I'm some healthy person
I've rethought my talks with Marv
And one fact does emerge
Oh, I think I like his shrink
So that is why I might turn to drink!
I'm on the brink of breaking down
I'm breaking down!
Down! down!
I only want to love a man who can love me
Or like me
Or help me
Help me!
Marvin was never mine!
He took his meetings in the boy's latrine
I used to cry
He'd make a scene!
I'd rather die than dry clean Marvin's wedding gown!
I'm breaking down!
I'm breaking down!
It's so upsetting when I found that what's rectangular is round
I mean, it stinks!
I mean, he's queer
And me, I'm just a freak who needs it maybe every other week
I don't know!
I've rethought the fun we had
And one fact does emerge
I played the foolish clown
The almost vigin who sings this dirge
Is on the verge of breaking down!
I'm breaking down!
Down, down!
The only thing that's breaking up is my family
The only thing that's breaking up is my family!
But me!
I'm breaking down!

A day in Falsettoland
Dr. Mendel at work
I don't get it
I don't understand
In the '60s, everyone had heart
In the '60s, we were all a part of the same team
In the '60s, we had a new world to start
Could this–
Oh God, don't say it is–
Could this be the new world we started?
Here I sit, brokenhearted and
You go out on the street
And there's all these people asking for a handout. Then you go home
You open your mail, and it's full of people asking for a donation
Then, you turn on the TV
And there's pictures of starving children in Ethiopia
And how does that make you feel, Diane?
Caroline
Caroline?
Yes, my name is Caroline
My God!
I don't get it
I've been left behind
Half my patients: Yuppie pagans
Modeled on the Ronald Reagans
Now the world is too pathetic
And I don't get it at all
Now that I got the promotion
Can I finally stop sleeping with my boss?
Time's up!
You always do this!
At least there's Trina at home
Trina in bed
Trina obsessing
And sort of caressing
My head with her feet
I once thought it was sweet
But I don't anymore
Now I just snore
'Cause I'm so exhausted
Listening to these yuppie farts complain
Listening as their shallow hearts explain
Their lives
Trina works it out
Marvin's back with Whizzer
Just like how it was
If I don't like Whizzer
It's because my ex sure does
Why should that upset me?
Sometimes I'm a lout
Mendel serenades, and Jason calms me
Why should I be wilting
When their precious love is not in doubt?
Work it out!
The neighbors relax after work
How was your day at the hospital?
Unbelievable
What is that smell?
Nouvelle bar mitzvah cuisine
I've been practicing
Cuisine, bar mitzvah, nouvelle
Hi, honey
Well...?
Hi, honey
How was your day?
It was terrible
Did you hear that Marvin's back with Whizzer?
Marvin's back with Whizzer!
Drop it, sweetheart
Give it up
You know I love you
What's the matter, Trina darling?
I don't get it
Why can't you let go?
Maybe in a mile, I'll be okay
I'll be happy when we finally have this bar mitzvah
Isn't it enough
I want you every night?
Who?
Every other night?
Me?
Every third night?
Hm
Okay, let's drop it
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright
Everything will be alright
How was your day
At the hospital?
It was wonderful
For the first time in months
Nobody died
Yay?
There were just
Heart attacks and gallstones
Light bulbs up the ass
Fake appendicitis which was gas
Which I diagnosed
People overdosed and I saved them
I saved young people, old people
One priest and one high school principal
Saving lives, I feel invincible
Yes I do
Do you know how great my life is?
Do you know how great my life is?
Saving lives and loving you
You save lives and I save chicken fat
I can't fucking deal with that!
Do you know how great my life is?
Yes, I know how great your life is
(Everything will be alright)
Do you know how great my life is?
Yes, I know how great your life is
(Everything will be alright)
Do you know how great my life is?
Yes, I know how great your life is
Saving lives
(Everything will be alright)
And loving you
Ha
It bounced twice
No, it didn't
Yeah, once, then twice
You know it did
That's not nice
No, it isn't
But you're a pain in the ass
You're a beast
But, at least
When you play me, you win
You give up
I perspire
Where's the heat?
Where's the fire?
Used to be you desire
To fight!
So fight!
So play!
One-two-three-four!
One-two-three-four!
One-two-three-four!
One-two-three-four!
One-two-three-four!
One-two-three-four!
One-two-three-four!
One-two-three-four!
Lucky dink!
I'm finessing
Something stinks in how you play
Don't you think it's a blessing
I'm so pathetically bad?
Just stay back
Serve with force
I'll attack
And, of course
I will win
Just give in
To bliss
And kiss
Let's go!
Do you know?
All I want
Is you
Anything you do
Is all right
Yes, it's all right
Do you know?
All I want is
You
Down the alley
High lob
Low drive
Ceiling shot
Into the corner
Four walls
Dink
What?
What?
Hit your shoe
No, it didn't
Yes it did
The game is through
That's not nice
No, it isn't
God, you're a pain in the ass
Play it raw
Don't play pretty
Sex and games
In New York City
Have got to be played with flair
And passion
And passion and flair
Do you know
All I want is you?
Anything you do
Is alright
Yes it's alright
Do you know how great my life is?
Do you know how great my life is?
Everything will be alright!
Everything will be alright!
Everything will be alright!
Everything will
Everything will
Feel alright for the rest of your life!
Feel alright for the rest of your life!
Feel alright for the rest of your life!
Feel alright for the rest of your life!
Feel alright
Feel alright
Feel alright for the rest of your life!
Feel alright for the rest of your life!
Feel alright for the rest of your
Rest of your
Everything will be alright!

Okay
When the doctor started using phrases like:
"You'll pass away"
What could I say?
I said "Doctor, in plain english tell me why was I chosen?
Why me of all men?
Doctor, here's the good part:
At least death means I'll never be scared about dying again"
Let's get on with living while we can
And not play dumb
Death's gonna come
When it does, screw the nurse
I'll be eating hors d'oeuvres
It's the roll of the dice
And no crying
You gotta die sometime
Death is not a friend
But I hope in the end
He takes me in his arms
And lets me hold his face
He holds me in his arms
And whispers something funny
He lifts me in his arms
And tells me to embrace his attack
Then the scene turns to black
Life sucks
People always hate a loser
And they hate lame ducks
Screw me and shucks
That's it
That's the ball game
I don't smoke
Don't do drugs
And then comes the bad news
I quit
That's the ball game
It's the chink in the armor
The shit in the karma
The blues
Can I keep my cool despite the urge to fall apart?
How should I start
I would cry if I could
But it does no damn good
To explain I'm a man in my prime
You gotta die sometime
Death's a funny pal with a weird sort of talent
He puts his arms around my neck
And walks me to the bed
He pins me up against the wall
And kisses me like crazy
The many stupid things I though about with dread
Now delight
Then the scene turns to white
Give me the balls to orchestrate a graceful leave
That's my reprieve
To go out without care
My head high in the air
It's the last little mountain I'll climb
I'll climb
You gotta die sometime
You gotta die sometime
You gotta die sometime
You gotta die sometime
Sometime, sometime, sometime
Sometime, sometime, sometime
Sometime

What would I do if I had not met you?
Who would I blame my life on?
Once I was told that all men get what they deserve
Who the hell then threw this curve?
There are no answers
But who would I be if you had not been my friend?
You're the only one
One out of a thousand others
Only one my child would allow
When I'm having fun
you're the one I want to talk to
Where have you been?
Where are you now?
Who would I be if I had not loved you?
How would I know what love is?
Good only knows too soon I'll remember your faults
Meanwhile, though it's tears and schmalz
There are no answers
But what would I do if you had not been my friend?
All your life you wanted men
And when you got it up to have them
Who knew it could end your life?
I left my kid
I left my wife
To be with you
To be insulted by such handsome man
Do you regret?
I'd do it again
I'd like to believe that I'd do it again
and again, and again
And what more can I say
How am I to face tomorrow
After being screwed out off today
Tell me what's in store
Yes, I'd beg or steal or borrow
If I could hold you for one hour more
One hour more, one hour more, one hour more
One hour, one hour more
What would I do if I had not seen you
Who would I feast my eyes on
Once I was told that good men get better with age
We're just gonna skip that stage
There are no answers
But what would I do
if you had not been my friend?
There are no answers, but what would I do?
No simple answers
But what would I do?
If you had not been my friend
My friend
My friend